Being a Thinker and Not a “Do-er”

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What the heck do I mean?

I’m not quite sure myself to be honest. All I do know is that I am most definitely the former.

I remember sitting in a super uncomfortable chair in the very noisy gymnasium of my high school feeling more than a little awkward. It was that exciting time of year where parent-teacher interviews were conducted and oh joy! My interview was just beginning. 

My school had a special way of organising these torturous meetings and it was by cramming all the teachers from all faculties into the gymnasium, and setting them up on little tables in rows with their names on pieces of paper stuck on the tables. So, aside from it being awkward because I had to hear my Graphics Design teacher tell my parents the good/bad/ugly about me while I was sitting there directly in front of him, I also had to deal with it being stuffy and noisy. Yay.

Anyway, amidst all the vagueness of my stale memories of high school and parent-teacher nights, I remember this particular interview with Mr… Let’s call him Mr. Gregory Peck… Yeah. This interview with Mr. Peck stood out to me because he said that I was a “thinker” as opposed to being as he said: “a do-er”. He went on further to explain that I was a very passionate student, that I was good at contributing in class discussion and that I came up with great ideas for projects and assignments. But. There is always a but. 

But, I had problems doing things with my ideas. My imagination had no problem dreaming up things, but putting pen to paper? Now that was a whole other thing.

This analysis? I guess that’s what it was. This analysis of my personality was so accurate, so close to home, that it never left me.

Ideas are great, but to quote/misquote what another teacher said to me: “Until you write them down, that’s just what they are. Ideas.”

I’ve been slack with my writing, not because I don’t have any ideas, but because I have so many. A million ideas come to me in the form of plots for stories and essay theses and poems. These come to me at night when I’m sleeping, in the morning when I’m rubbing the sleep from my eyes, while I’m on the train, in the car, eating lunch, surfing the net and sometimes when I’m actually, actively searching for ideas.

My problem is with making something more out of my ideas, of committing to one until I complete a whole piece no matter how badly made it is. I’m scared of these beautiful, fanciful, romantically perfect ideas to be cemented down with words making them into something tangibly real. This fear is because I know for a fact that no matter how good the idea is, it’ll never be as good as I imagine it will be.

The old adage ‘practice makes perfect’ is something I need to keep in the back of my mind because as fun and frivolous as it is to be a thinker, nothing ever is accomplished if I never ‘do’.Image

The Meaning Behind Ginger Tuppence.

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By reading my first post you would know that I am a somewhat nervous individual. I consider myself as something of an introvert, not meaning that I am afraid of or dread social interaction; but that I like to be in control of aforementioned social interactions. Another thing which I find hard to deal with is the loss of anonymity, especially on the internet.
Ginger Tuppence is a pseudonym which allows me a smidgen of freedom to express thoughts and feelings however badly worded and grammatically incorrect as I like without having to worry my old English teacher or snarky classmates will come across and mock me for.
The epic origins behind the name isn’t awfully dramatic. It didn’t come to mind like a blinding epiphany or sneaking idea. It was merely the combining of two things I very much like which sound, at least to me, cute together!
Ginger comes from Ginger Rogers, the glamourous actress, dancer and singer with kittenish beauty and who was spunk personified. I don’t know much about her actual personality other than she had a lot of husbands and could be a little bit of a diva sometimes. The reason I chose her name to be the first half of my pseudonym was because of how much I love Astaire and Rogers’ films. They are among my favourite because of how elegant, light-hearted and other-worldly they are to a bored young girl like me who suffers from a bad case of false nostalgia.
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Tuppence is Tuppence Beresford, the character created by Agatha Christie who makes up one half of her less prominent crime-solving duo ‘Tommy and Tuppence’. Tuppence is a sharp, impulsive and gutsy character who loves a bit of mischief and would stare danger in the eye, make a sarcastic remark and lift her eyebrows in very English disdain. I love T&T stories because they are a whole lot of fun! Only Agatha Christie can write crime and make it light and humourous. Well, that’s all really. I feel stupid talking to an imaginary audience so I’ll stop now.

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Sincerely awkward, Ginger Tuppence.

Beginnings

Blogging is one of those things I appreciate from afar. Whenever I read a good blog post I usually admire the casual and effortless writing style with which the blogger writes, appreciate the uniqueness of their opinions and lose myself in this micro-bubble which is their creative world.
I have never thought of myself as a particularly creative person. I don’t think of myself as a very interesting person either, which is why all my previous attempts at starting a diary or blog have failed after a few measly entries. I feel that writing about myself is a peculiar and very self-indulgent thing to do. Perhaps it’s my self-consciousness which is the problem. I constantly worry about what people think of me, if people think of me, if they think I think too much of what others think of me…
So you ask, why am I torturing myself? There are a few reasons: Firstly, ever since I graduated from high school I’ve begun losing my ability to write and I see this as a way of combatting the problem. Secondly, I would like to write articles that are publishable in the way of earning some income, not make a career out of it, just to have something to fall back on. Thirdly, I want to challenge myself, push my boundaries and get out of my comfort zone… I make blogging sound like an extreme sport…
I like to go into everything with 0% confidence and no expectations; in this way, I’m never disappointed and things can only get better! Is this a mentally unhealthy and incredibly stupid way of thinking? Probably, but it’s the way I’m comfortable with and so I’ll stick to it. Well, I feel like I’m talking to nobody and that I’m being very pretentious so this is the end of my first post.

Vivid 2012

Overly anxious, Ginger Tuppence